I have been thinking nonstop about my life, the way I’m spending my time, the purpose behind it all… it’s driving me nuts.

I mean, a clear purpose for life is death. Since everyone (no exceptions) does it! Or is it birth? But both these strike me as not very reasonable, or convincing purposes… is it to lead a good life? Is it to have fun? I mean, if the purpose is just life, then what part of the life process is the one we’re meant to live? A toddler can’t really admire what life is all about, a student has the constant worry of studying and the next step, older, you worry about working and saving money, older still you worry about whether your rheumatism will act up, or whether you can still get an erection… it’s all about worry, it seems… My point is, I look at myself, and I know I’m missing out right now, I’m not enjoying my life that way I want to, or should. But what can I do? I mean, the saying ‘you can’t have your cake, and eat it’ is true…..

Anyway, it’s a whirlpool of crap, and misery that I was going through…. Then I went to the Metallica Concert in Bremen.

Standing in front of 30000 angry, screaming, drunk fans… an Idea kept nagging at me.. I’m here screaming my lungs off for a band I’ve listened to for 10 years, and practically idolized, and they have no idea who the fuck I am. I’m just a nothing, in a sea of nothings to them.

One can imagine, in my current state of mind, how that would really piss me off… but suprisingly, another idea came to mind… I’m at a fucking heavy metal concert, with the best fucking metal band in history, having a great fucking time, with good friends…. What the fuck more do I need…. that’s when it came to me, the answer to my question… no matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing…..

The point of life is never to succeed
an abstract purpose is not what I need

savour the moment, enjoy simple treats
love, laugh, smile..those are true feats

headbang through life, free my soul
never a worry, a difficult goal

won’t spend my life praying for salvation
won’t waste it all in fear of damnation

The Newer Testament, Tempestians 1:1

Posted on Friday, June 18th, 2004 at 7:43 pm and filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.